As long as people have gotten romantically involved with one another, there has been conflict within those relationships. Some people argue that conflict is bad for the relationship and will ultimately lead to the demise of that relationship. Others argue that the conflict is good for the relationship and will help it to flourish. Conflict can be both positive and negative for a relationship. It can both help and hinder the relationship. No matter what stage the relationship is in and whether or not the relationship is being helped or hurt, conflict is always happening in different contexts. Conflict is also caused by numerous reasons. These reasons include a lack of interpersonal communication skills, low levels of trust, physical abuse, an individual's past history in relationships, and many others. Today I want to discuss three issues-- domestic abuse, controlling partners and insecurity leading to dependency.
Unfortunately, thousands of women are abused everyday in the United States. This abuse can be physical, verbal, or psychological. Women, by nature, seem to hold a higher sense of personal worth when involved in a relationship. From birth, women are taught by society to conform to certain expectations and definitions of what it means to be a female. Growing up, women always here phrases such as "That's not lady like" or "You should be treated like a lady". What does it mean to be a lady? According to most societies, it means that women are the weaker sex and are always in need of a man to take care of them. Men are taught, from birth, what it means to be a man. This definition is usually one of dominance and control. This is shown in phrases such as "I am the man of the house".
In many romantic relationships, one of the partners feels the need to be controlling. Men, by nature, have the need to feel that they are always in control. This is especially evident in romantic relationships. Some men however take it to the extreme. They feel the need to watch and control their partners every move. Sometimes this controlling behavior can turn into violent behavior. If a man, who is controlling, feels like he is losing that control, he will many times move to more extreme measures to gain that control back. A survey done on battered women showed that most women reported their partner to be controlling and restrictive before the physical abuse began.
Dependency is defined as the reliance of an individual on another person for the satisfaction of his/her needs. In this case, insecurity can be defined as relational meaning a person will have doubts and uncertainties about the relationship that he/she is in. Insecurity is a sign that a person is lacking a perceived need in their life. Insecurity would then be the counterpart of dependency as a person would be lacking something therefore depending on something else. When a person believes both that a relationship fills specific needs and that there are a lack of alternatives to fulfilling those needs a greater level of dependence is going to occur. Different factors that may lead to insecurity include the appearance of another person that the partner appears to have an attraction to, or a perceived lack of interest from the partner. Whatever the cause for the insecurity, it seems to always lead to a further dependence on that relationship. The reason for this is a fear of losing the relationship, therefore resulting in a further need for the counterpart to preserve the relationship.
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