I have been thinking of a topic to write about for a while. Sometimes ideas and topics come to me, however I don’t know to formulate them into posts, so they stay as ideas that make sense to me until the specific topic can be formulated into something that can be read by others. Most of the time, in order for this to happen, I need to be inspired. I either need to be experiencing or reflecting on things in my life, or be inspired by someone, or by something that I read.
While I have been thinking about this topic because of my personal experiences, my friend Angelica Burns, who is a high school friend whom I come to discover is a strong feminist, and believes in similar ideologies as me, sent me an article called The Rise of Enlightened Sexism by Susan J. Douglas for the “On The Issue Magazine.” This made me think about a sufficient idea on how to formulate my thoughts into a post.
Today, I am going to be discussing who the jerk guy is and about the young woman’s do’s and don’ts in heterosexual, romantic relationships when they have found the sweet guy. Those of you who are reading this that are a part of the LGBTA community, I’d like to apologize for not relating this to your lives, but please know that this is simply due to my lack of experience with homosexual relationship dynamics. I’d much rather read a post that relates to the subject from someone who is more educated on the subject. :)
1. Definition of the jerk guy:
He is the guy who lies, deceives and manipulates you; who can't be faithful; who doesn't think you are amazing and criticizes you for who you are; who doesn’t let you be independent and to be your own person; who can't stop thinking about former or future relationships; who is rude, disrespectful, and mean to you, your friends or your family; who requires you dismiss or ignore your personal standards, ethics, and sense of morality; who embarrasses and humiliates you; who uses you and most importantly abuses you!
2. Simple fact about the jerk guy:
LEAVE HIM! He’s not going to change for anyone. Maybe until he finally falls in love—if at all possible—and gets his heart ripped out of his chest, and even then I’d not trust easily.
3. Definition of the sweet guy:
Simply put, the opposite of the jerk guy.
4. Simple fact about you, the millennial young woman: You are better off with the sweet guy, but when you find him you must treat him the same way you want to be treated. The sweet guy is not to be used and abused in order for you to feel high and mighty or for any other reason for that matter
Now come the Do’s and Don’ts for the millennial, young, 20 something year old woman who find the sweet guy…
1. Do cut the “enlightened sexism” out!
This is the first step...
This is the first step...
This is something that I read about in the article that my friend showed me in the article that I discussed with you earlier. Although the writer did a much better job explaining it, I will try to sum it up to the best of my abilities. Enlightened sexism is something that is taking over the millennial generation and the attitudes of young women within this generation. It is the idea that feminism is the new “f” word and that women are now equal to men. The idea of women now being complete equals of men in the workforce, in the institution of family, and much of the like, is however believed for all the wrong reasons. Let’s face it; the media is full of Samantha’s from the Sex and City.
Samantha is an example of the enlightened sexism that has taken over our generation. For those who do not know, Samantha is a woman who believes she has it all. She is beautiful and always looks her best. She is successful, has a active sex life and feels empowered. This sounds all good, until you realize that Samantha feels she can be anything and anyone she wants to be, as long as she always looks her best, competes for guys attentions and other women are jealous by her (not including her close friends Carrie, Charlotte and Marinda of course.)
2. Don’t buy into the perpetrated images in the media of what it means to be a woman in our generation.
The simplest way I can put this is that you don’t need to look like a supermodel in order to get the guy of your dreams. The sweet guy is not going to care what you look like, or about how much make up you wear. I am not saying you shouldn’t take care of yourself and dress how you feel, but remember that you do not need to fit into a cookie cutter image for the sweet guy.
3. Do realize that he doesn’t want you for sex.
You don’t need to dress in a highly sexualized manner to get his attention. If anything, he will run away if you don’t respect yourself in this way.
4. Don’t make the relationship all about you.
This is the worst mistake you can make with a sweet guy. We all have passions and some of us are very successful in our professions or our academic careers, but this does not mean you have the right to have the conversation revolve around you all the time.
5. Do listen to him.
He has important things to discuss with you just as much as you do, so remember to pay attention to him. When you are with him, be there physically and mentally.
6. Do act supportive
This is one of the most important things to the sweet guy. Remember to support him in his decisions and do not criticize him for everything.
7. Don’t expect him to pay for everything.
Since he is the sweet guy, he is most likely going to want to pay for everything especially in the beginning of the relationship. My rule is that if the guy wants to pay on the first date, I try to see how important this is to him compared to how important it is to me to pay for the date or my own meal for example. And I let him state his case and reasons behind it. I think there is nothing wrong with him paying for you on you first, or even later dates, as long as you pay for the same amount of dates as he does and do offer to pay each time depending on the circumstance.
8. Don’t have sex with him because you feel you have to.
Let’s face it, we aren’t a bunch of prudes here, this post is intended for women in their twenties and some of us do believe in having sex before marriage. So, only have sex with him when you feel you are ready. Again, you don’t need to be a sex object to get the sweet guy.
9. Do talk to him openly
There is nothing worst then a relationship where you can’t talk about your desires, needs and passions.
Tell him how you feel and be honest! Also, don’t lose yourself in the relationship, remember to state your case, and don’t become someone you are not.
10. Don’t act like he is untrustworthy
Remember to not act jealous if he has friends who happen to be girls. Do NOT go through his phone or go through his personal belongings to see if he is talking to other girls…etc or act like he is not deserving of your trust.
11. Do act loving and show him you care.
This is a really important one to remember. Also keep in mind that telling him you care about him is nothing without the congruent actions that go with it. Be respectful toward him, his friends and his family.
12. Do be faithful and don’t cheat
No explaining necessary.
13. Don’t repeat any of the things that the jerk guy did to you with the sweet guy!!!