Fear: This is the key factor in domestic violence and is often the most powerful way a perpetrator controls his victim. Fear is created by giving looks, or making gestures, possessing weapons destroying property, cruelty to pets or any behavior which can be used to intimidate and render the victim powerless.
Intimidation: Includes destroying her possessions, smashing things, putting a fist through the wall, handling of guns or other weapons, using intimidating body language, hostile questioning of the victim, reckless driving of vehicle with victim in the car. It may include harassing the victim at her workplace either by making persistent phone calls or sending text messages or emails, following her to and from work, or loitering near her workplace.
Verbal abuse: Includes screaming, shouting, put-downs, name calling, ridiculing her for her religious beliefs or ethnic background.
Physical abuse: Can range from a lack of consideration for her physical comfort to causing permanent injury or even death. It could include such behavior as pushing, hitting, choking, slapping, hair pulling, punching etc. and may or may not involve the use of weapons. It could also be threats to, or actually destroying prized possessions.
Emotional abuse: Is a behavior that deliberately undermines the confidence of victim, leading her to believe she is stupid, or that she is “a bad mother” or useless or even to believe she is going crazy or is insane. This type of abuse humiliates, degrades and demeans the victim. The perpetrator may make threats to harm the victim, friend or family member, threaten to take her children, or to commit suicide. The perpetrator may also use silence and withdrawal as a means to abuse.
Social abuse: Includes isolating the victim from social networks and supports either by preventing the victim from having contact with her family or friends or by verbally or physically abusing her in public or in front of others. It may be continually putting friends and family down so she is slowly disconnected from her support network.
Economic abuse: Results in the victim being financially dependent on their partner. She may be denied access to money, including her own, demanding that she and her children live on inadequate resources. These can be contributing factors for women becoming trapped in violent relationships.
Sexual abuse: Includes a range of unwanted sexual behaviors including forced sexual contact, rape, forcing her to perform sexual acts that cause pain or humiliation, forcing her to have sex with others, causing injury to her sexual organs.
Controlling behaviors: Includes dictating what she does, who she sees and talks to, where she goes, keeping her from making any friends or from talking to her family, or having any money of her own. This can include preventing her from going to work, not allowing her to express her own feelings or thoughts, not allowing her any privacy, forcing her to go without food or water.
Spiritual abuse: Includes ridiculing or putting down her beliefs and culture, or preventing her from belonging to, or taking part in a group that is important to her spiritual beliefs, or practicing her religion.
Separation violence: Often after the relationship has ended violence may continue, this can be a very dangerous time for the victim because the perpetrator may perceive a loss of control over the victim and may become more unpredictable. During and after separation is often a time when violence will escalate leaving the victim even less safe than she was previously.
Stalking: Sometimes the perpetrator stalks the victim either before or after separation. Stalking includes loitering around places she is known to frequent, watching her, following her, making persistent telephone calls and sending mail including unwanted love letters, cards and gifts although the relationship has ended. Stalking is a criminal offence, under the stalking legislation more than one type of behavior has to occur, or the same type of behavior has to occur on more than one occasion.
For me all forms of Domestic Violence are unacceptable and some forms are a Criminal Offense.
The impact of continued abuse in intimate relationships can be devastating. Women escaping these horrific circumstances can often be heard to say, "but he loves me it’s my fault. I keep making mistakes"
I asked you before and I am asking you again to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out; be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker.
Remember together we have the power to make a difference...
So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow. Maybe someone needs your help right now
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