Shaping youth...

Yesterday, I was out on a family friends patio sitting with my parents, and some family friends, while they were taking a walk down memory lane. The radio was on, and it was one of those mainstream hip-hop stations. While we were sitting on the patio, there were two girls upstairs, resting, and listening to music after the fun day they had. The girls were 11, and 13 years old. A song came on the radio…And many of you probably already heard this song by Eminem and Rihanna, it’s called  “Love the way you lie.” Although the cuss words were bleeped out, I still couldn’t help myself in going upstairs and turning down the music, and explaining to the two girls that the lyrics in the song didn’t describe a healthy relationship. This was almost like a reflex for me, and that quiet honestly surprised me. I tried to find the right words to tell them why I was talking to them about this song, and why it was important to me. I think I did the best I could in that moment. I explained to them that the song described an unhealthy relationship, and that when they grow up they don’t need to have relationships like that. I explained to them that even though we sometimes look up to celebrities, which I know teens in that age group do, we don’t have to idealize them, because they are imperfect human beings. After that, I went downstairs. A couple of minutes later, the two girls wanted to go to the park, so I went with them. They were playing with a frisbee, and I was sitting down relaxing for a while. Then, the girls started talking to me about some of the problems that they were facing in their lives, and what was important to them. We talked about boys, being betrayed by friends, confidence, problems that they face in their schools, and staying away from the temptations of deviant behavior. While I was talking to them, I realized a lot about myself too. The reason why I wanted to help them, and talk to them was because at their age I felt completely lost. Although I had family members, at that age I wanted to do anything but to talk to family about the kinds of problems I was having.  I thought to myself, if I had a mentor at that age, someone outside my family, someone I looked up to, and someone who could listen to me, I probably wouldn’t have felt completely lost. Recently, I changed my major from Public Relations to Sociology, but now I know more about what I want to do. With talking to these two girls, I had a moment of clarity, where I realized that I want to work with girls in this age group. I want to empower girls and let them stay innocent for as long as they can, while we live in a society that pushes them to grow up too fast. I want them to know that their problems are important, and give them a listening ear when needed, and help them boost their confidence in any way I can. I feel that this is something that I need to do, not just a career path, but almost something that I'd not feel alive without doing. That night when I was going to bed, I felt more satisfied then ever. Eventhough it was not a big deal in the greater scheme of things, it was important to me, and I just wanted to share it with all of you. 

Tired, overworked, yet satisfied...

“Are college students today faced with more pressures than college students in the past?” “College Pressures” by William Zinsser, is an essay written in the 1970’s that informs and persuades readers about pressures that a student may face due to high academic expectations. Zinsser discusses these pressures and states that they are caused by, overachieving and trying to satisfy the expectations of others. I feel that I put a great deal of pressure on myself, along with pressures from peers, parents and our society. There are days that are harder then others when it comes to my academic life as a college student. I find today to be one of the harder days. I feel tired and overworked, yet I am still satisfied. Although I am overwhelmed, I find the strength within me to keep going. I think this strength comes from my will power and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some days it’s harder to find that strength within me, but I am always able to do it at the end of the day. Primarily because I know I am trying the best I can, and I know that I have a desire to contribute to this society. It has become easier to find that strength since I changed my major from Public Relations to Sociology. Now, I get my drive from my end goal, which is to help people. I don’t know exactly what I will do with my degree, but I know that I want to continue my education and attend graduate school. I am strongly considering Public Policy or Gender Studies for my major. Whatever I decide on going after I earn my B.A degree will be something that helps our society in some way, and hopefully will enhance the life of others. So, the point that I am trying to make is that the strength is within you—the college student—and it is possible to find that strength, however you have got to dig hard sometimes, and not give up on the hard days. So tonight, instead of dwelling on my tiredness and being overworked, I will focus on the satisfaction that I get from wanting the best future for myself, and the fact that I can even attend college to begin with. Many people do not get this opportunity, and an education has become a luxury than a right. It feels so empowering to know that my destiny is not prewriten, and that I can shape my future the way I want. 
I feel very blessed to have the opportunities I have, and I will never let anything stop me from taking full advantage of these opportunities. 

Cheers, 

Melissa Fenerci 

Apathy...

Why is apathy, another term for passivity, submissiveness, and even numbness, reaching epidemic proportions when it comes to social, economic, environmental, and political issues? Symptoms include lack of awareness, concern, social responsibility and action, which includes voting. This is particularly apparent for those in the 18 to 24 age group. Apathy involves people either being content with their current status and the world around them, or being ignorant to those same surroundings. Apathetic citizens of any nation can cause the foundations of society to crumble because these people think everything is well on the surface, when in actuality, it is not. Wake up people and look around you, and by around you I don't mean just your own backyard. Turn on the news and get informed! 


If you don't stop being apathetic, the world is never going to change or see any progression. 
STOP apathy! 

Get involved with civic engagement!!!!! 

War is not in style...

Peace is a simple and noble concept that entices yet eludes mankind. As a global society advancing at an escalating rate we as twenty first century humans are presented a unique opportunity for global unity and co-existance for the first time in known history. Through communication, understanding and self- determination we can stop war, heal the planet and mobilize for global harmony in the coming centuries starting now. 

War is a racket manufactured by powerful industrial, political and social leaders for their own benefit. Modern globalism has fueled military industrial hunger yet frustrated their advances as informed citizens mobilize with the latest technological tools to unite against oppression. The world is a temple waiting to be discovered, don't give in to the fear and hate spread by politically biased media, travel the world and meet your global community face to smiling face. 


Spread the word, spread love and say no more war!

What do you see when you look at me?

Breaking Stereotypes

In today’s society there are an immense number of cultures, religions and nationalities. These factors vary from country to country and each country has its own opinion of other cultures, religions and nationalities. In a society exposed to numerous religions, cultures and ways of thinking, stereotypes and labeling have become common in making sense of the world and the people in it. We have heard them all. African Americans are lazy and incompetent workers. Hispanics are all drug-dealers. The Irish are heavy drinkers. Feminists are man haters. People with tattoos are dangerous and probably been to jail. Academically successful students don’t know how to have fun. These are all stereotypes. Stereotyping is a problem that refuses to go away. It recurs, across various contexts and discourses, as a divisive and troubling issue, and remains a central source of contention in the politics of representation. Many stereotypes exist: different ones towards racial groups, women, the elderly, the mentally ill, fat people, homosexuals, the physically handicapped, and individuals with AIDS, to name just a few. Stereotypes can have negative outcomes both for the individuals who are the target of prejudice and for society at large. Stereotypes are a set of beliefs about the personal attributes of a group of people. It was journalist Walter Lippman who first coined the term "stereotype" to refer to our beliefs about groups. He borrowed the term from the printing process in which a "stereotype" literally was a metal plate that made duplicate copies of a printed page. Lippman believed this term describes how we continuously reproduce the "picture in our heads" that we have about a group whenever we encounter members of that group. In other words, Lippman recognized the human tendencies to categorize people into groups, and then to see individual members as a reflection of that group, rather than as the unique person they are. Although stereotypes may be products of individual cognitive processes, they also maybe consensually shared within a society. Collectively held stereotypes may be especially pernicious as they are often widespread in a society.

I have been stereotyped many times, and honestly it doesn’t hurt me. When I am offended however, I let people know. I am a feminist, and I am proud of it. I refuse to be hurt by the labels that society puts on me. But what about the person who takes the negative stereotypes into heart? What about the person who doesn’t stand up for themselves? Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy and labels stick. Do you really want to be responsible for re-enforcing these stereotypes and putting a label on a group of people or a culture? Next time think before you speak. Our words are powerful and our actions even more powerful. If we all took steps towards breaking stereotypes, our world would be a better place.

Our failed juvenile justice system..

Inspired to write this because of a story I read today about Maria Santana's son and his story in the juvenile justice system...
California essentially gave up on Maria Santana’s son when he was 15 years old and was locked up in the Division of Juvenile Justice (DJJ) youth prisons. Initially told he would be released in four years, Maria’s son has been languishing for nearly 10 years. With eight other children and recently losing her job, Maria can’t afford to drive six hours to Ventura to visit him.
It costs approximately $200,000 per year to lock up a young person in DJJ. So what has the taxpayers’ $2 million dollar investment in Maria’s son brought him, his family or his community? When his mom sees his resignation, his broken spirit and the scars on his body from rubber bullets, she knows that the state has failed him. He’s certainly not the only one. Despite costing more than $436 million annually to warehouse only 1,300 youth, DJJ fails 72 percent of the time -- meaning that 72 percent of the young people are rearrested soon after release. This recidivism rate is really high.
We’re paying $200,000 per youth per year for lockup in a violent, failed system. In comparison, a young person in a California public school merits only $7,100 per year for education. California adult prisons cost $8.2 billion, locking up 160,000 adults, but our public college system gets far less --$5.5 billion to educate more than 650,000 students.


So what's the answer? How do we fix this situation?

Lost Generation

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

Read the message, then read it again in reverse.

Which generation do you belong in?

By Jonathan Reed

Opposite World...

The types of abuse that are invisible..

I wanted to bring awareness to an epidemic-- verbal and emotional abuse.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars. When most people hear the word “pain”, they automatically assume that it is physical pain that is being dealt. Yet most of the pain in the world is emotional, which is caused mainly by just a few words arranged in such a way that it will actually send a bolt of emotional distress straight through that individuals’ heart and soul. A lot of people have experienced this whether they were the victim, the attacker, or just a witness, if not all three. I know that I myself have been in all three of the positions. Being the victim is probably the hardest position to be in when it comes to hurtful words. Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.

So here are the warning signs or a few questions that anyone in a relationship should ask themselves..

Do you:

feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner:

humiliate or yell at you?

criticize you and put you down?

treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed to share it with your family or friends.

ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

blame you for his own abusive behavior?

act excessively jealous and possessive?

control where you go or what you do?

manipulate you?

keep you from seeing your friends or family?

constantly check up on you?

If you or your partner feel/do some of the things listed above, then that person doesn't deserve you. Just because you don't have physical marks, doesn't mean you're in a healthy relationship. Don't wait for that person to change, because in 8 out of 10 cases, that person will NEVER change. It's not worth spending precious time trying to work out something that is simply not going to work out.

The best thing to do in this situation is to have some self-control and have guts... TO WALK AWAY! If this is too hard to do there is always help that you can get. You can research your local women's organizations or domestic violence organizations to receive help.. If you need help with this, please feel free to contact me on melfenerci@gmail.com and I'd be more happy to find the right place for you to go to to get help.

Share the love...

I recently wrote an entry about lossing my inspiration.. well, it came back. I stopped trying and let life in, and it really worked. Lately, I have been getting a lot of encouragement from people who love me, but also from people I have never met before. In the last two days I have received e-mails, facebook messages...etc from people I don't even know. How inspiring is that? When they contact me they usually tell me that I have impacted their lives in a special way.. and that they found motivation or inspiration in reading my blog. Some of those people live thousands and thousands miles away. Simply put, I am really happy and thankful. I wanted to share the love, and remind you all that you can make someone's day. Making someone happy can be so easy.. most people need encouragement, because most of us don't get enough of it. WE ALL NEED LOVE!

My friend Marissa Geer started the MHOYW campaign.. it's really interesting and I find it to be very inspiring.. It's about sharing the love and making sure people know that someone out there cares about them..

This is how it works in Marissa's Words...

You make a bracelet – doesn’t matter if you’ve already worn it or it’s brand new or even better, made from you. You then eventually give it to someone else in your life, telling them that you care about them and appreciate them in it.

This special person can be your mother, your father, your best friend, your favorite teacher... Or even a complete stranger.
The only rule is...
They are encouraged wholeheartedly to give that bracelet to someone else that they care about, or has made an impact on their life.

So this bracelet is getting passed along, maybe even around the world, from friend to friend, or stranger to stranger.

The thought is simple:
1) don't hold onto the material (letting go and passing on the bracelet) - hold onto the thought that someone cares about you.
2) show people you care about them as well (giving a bracelet) – when you make someone else's day, it makes your day. When you help someone through something, it helps you become a better person. People will remember in their hearts that one time you made life a little more beautiful for them.

Don't forget to share the love...

Word, Words & More Words...

Lately, I have been thinking about words... When all is said and done, too much is said and not enough is done. Don't get me wrong--words are so amazing. When put together in the correct order they can invoke such an array of emotion, have life-altering effects, kill people, and save peoples’ lives. The best part is that anyone can have this ability and the power to affect the world in any way they want. This is one of the reasons I love writing. But sometimes too much is said, and words lose meaning when you don't take action. I've made many statements over the last few months that I haven't actually done. It's like making new years resolutions you never actually end up keeping. I think it's time to change that. I feel like it's really time for action and change in my life...

What I have been up to...

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I have been really busy.

-Elections are over and I am the new ASG President for Saddleback College. =)

-I went to the Phi Theta Kappa convention that I had blogged about earlier. I had an amazing time and learned a lot. I met many intelligent people that I learned a lot from. Our officers feel closer now that we have gone somewhere like that, so it was a very good team building tool.

-I also went to the Student Senate for California Community Colleges General Assembly last weekend. I learned so much about how our Student Governments are suppose to function. The General Assembly really opened my eyes and made me realize somethings that we can change in our ASG next year.

-I also found out today that I am the recipient of the President's Award Scholarship. Along with the scholarship, I received a plaque from the president of my school. I was called first and was in shock-- everyone else knew their scholarships when they checked in, however me and Delainey (the former ASG president) didn't know..

I have been realizing more and more of how blessed I am. I have been given many amazing opportunities this year but most importantly I have an amazing family, friends,a boyfriend and mentors to share all that with. I honestly and truly feel blessed! I also feel like all my hard work has paid off.

This year has been a really good year for me. I think one of the best years! I have gone from not caring about anything to being this person that I don't even recognize. Although I know that my journey is just beginning, I'm glad that I'm getting closer and closer to my dreams!

Social Marketing

What is social marketing?

The answer to this question could depend on who you ask. But in brief, the term was first coined in 1969 by researchers Gerald Zaltman and Philip Kotler who defined social marketing as a way to achieve social objectives by applying marketing practice (product, place, promotion and price). Social marketing is not merely communication or education, but is about creating positive behavior and attitude changes as a means to increasing social well-being and social responsibility.

Who is a social marketer?

My answer, anyone can be.

...Just a thought...

Ideas..

Ideas are born everyday–big ideas, little ideas, ideas born from one person and ideas born through thought and application. What makes one idea stand out from another and what makes the idea stick, gain traction and create a movement? Here are six words to help make ideas scale:

1. Fire: Someone recently offered me some good advice. The said the key to “success” was to always know your end goal. The more you fuel this goal, the more you’ll believe in it and the more you’ll believe in yourself. For me, it’s not just a case of knowing my end goal, but knowing why that’s my end goal. To me, the why over rides the what and is what will drive success. We all have goals–but why do you have them? That is the tougher question, and that is what will get you through the droughts.

2. Simplify: Life is complicated enough–people don’t need more complication. Identify ideas that simplify tasks (without the use of a 30-slide power point to explain it). Identify ideas that are focused.

3. Stop: We’ve heard of growing pains. There will come times that you may need to stop. This could mean that you need to simplify the juggling act. Or, it may mean that you stop a product line or stop the way you do something and find a new way. It could mean that you need to stop starting new ideas–and re-focus back on the original idea. As, if we keep starting new ideas all the time–then we aren’t committing to what our end goal is and are spreading the fire too thin.

4. Execution: My mom always told me, “Don’t try. Do.” Take two seconds and reflect on what you’ve been doing and what you want to be doing. Do you see how much “trying” sneaks up on us? Those that make ideas become realizations, just do it. There might be success and there may be failure. But they did it. They learned, and they keep on doing.

5. Build: There are an infinite number of ideas right? Well, there are perhaps just as many people coming up with those ideas. You see–lots of people are “ideas people.” Everyone seems to have the next big idea or the next big thing. Being an “ideas person” doesn’t mean you will be successful. If anything, this means you need to connect with more builders. Builders are people that have vision while also being able to plan and make it happen. Builders are the people that fill in the gaps, aren’t afraid of getting messy, and are resourceful.

6. Contagious: Be contagious–in your thinking, speaking, doing and giving. It’s important to note that being contagious happens naturally–it’s not forced. You and your idea can also be contagious without you knowing it–at any time of the day. So be on the lookout for opportunity, for fellow builders, and fuel for the fire, you never know what might happen.

Vote Melissa Fenerci for Associated Student Government president of Saddleback College

Vote for me on April 20th or 21st at saddleback.edu/asg

If you have any questions about my goals as president, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Human genes being patented????

I don't believe that any life form, "man-made" or not should be patentable. Monsanto vs Schmeiser in Canada comes to mind. Jurassic Park? This is an example of capitalism and intellectual property laws gone insane. Obligation to make monetary profit drives corporations to behave psychopathicaly as most would be diagnosed if they were treated as individuals, which is how they are classified by law. I don't agree with the idea of public bodies claiming ownership of life in this manner either. Are we forever going to live in the shadow of the kind of insanity that permits such gross miscarriages of justice? This is not even logical! No matter how you view it. This is only further evidence of a pervasive sickness in our society.

My grandmother...

Sophisticated, peaceful, proper, caring, and beautiful, these are all the words that come to mind when I think about my grandmother Oksan Alemdar. The first day I met my grandma was when I first opened my eyes. Even though I was a baby, I remember always feeling her presence. It feels like we have spent every waking moment together, even though sometimes we were apart for long periods of time. She wasn’t just like any grandmother. She was my friend. She always knew how to give the best advice-and let’s face it- even sometimes when I wasn’t old enough for the advice given. She taught me to make my own mistakes and realize things on my own pace. She taught me to realese my negative energy out on art(attached), among many other valuable life lessons. She told me her crazy life story and every single time I heard more details I couldn’t imagine myself doing the brave things that she had done at her age. (My mom is another person who I feel that with. She is so brave that I can’t image being that brave and overcoming the things she has overcome.) Whenever I looked at my grandmas’ face, I saw a map of the world… It seemed like she had been everywhere and done everything imaginable, yet she was a great grandmother, mother and a great wife. She was diagnosed with cancer (stage four) when I was a junior in high school. I remember a conversation we had sitting on my bed the day she told me and her refusing treatment. I’ve always thought I had been the one to convince her to get better and seek treatment. I’m not sure if that’s what really happened, but back then, it made me feel important to know that I had been a part of a decision like that. For a while, she was continuously getting worse, and it was like I was trying to block all the emotion that I was feeling. Those blocked emotions since been re-opened… and as soon as I could feel again, I wanted to make myself a better person. The inspiration that I got from her existence was important enough to change my life and it inspired me to be more like her. She gives me and my mother such strength to this day… When I first lost her, I thought about the all the graduations she'd miss, my wedding that she’d miss and me giving birth to my children…Now I know that she will be there in spirit and her life will continue to guide me in everything I do. Sometimes I have these moments where I’m celebrating an accomplishment, and in those moments I feel her presence as I felt it when I first opened my eyes…

PS: Don't forget to celebrate the imporant people who have changed your life.

PS (MOM): Please don't cry if you read this and remember the purpose is to celebrate a life well lived.

Cheers,

Mel

Body image...



“Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest one of all?” Body image involves our perception, imagination, emotions, and physical sensations about our bodies. It's not based on fact. It's psychological in nature, and more influenced by self-esteem than by actual physical attractiveness as judged by others. It is not inborn, but learned. This learning occurs in families and among peers, but these only reinforce what is learned and expected culturally. In this culture, women are starving themselves, alternating between starving and gorging, obsessing, pounding and wanting to remove what makes us female: our bodies, our curves, our pear-shaped bodies. Societies standards for body shape and various media promote the importance of beauty. The media links beauty to symbols of happiness, love and success for women. Media portrays these images as achievable and real. Until women accept their body image, they will continue to measure themselves against societies “perfect image.” Media representations of body image contribute to social trends of unhealthy lifestyles. 

Female children learn to worry about their appearance from an early age. Huge quantities of girls between the ages of three and ten have one or more Barbie dolls. On television children are bombarded with commercials showing tall and thin women promoting dieting products and leading a “dream” life. Being exposed to numerous 
“perfect” female images leads girls trying to defeat their imperfections into their adult life. Parental messages about appearance also have large impacts on young girls.

I, for one, am not the tallest or the thinnest girl in the world. Actually I am quiet short. I dealt with some body issues growing up and know how it feels. But at the end of the day, I am happy with myself and the way I look. I can honestly say that “I LOVE MYSELF and MY FLAWS are beautiful.” I hope more young girls and women will have confidence. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!!! No matter what size, color or shape…etc It is time to love ourselves!

For every college student...

The accomplishment of a goal is the result of a dream that has been realized. The question that many are asking in their youth is how do I make my dreams come true? It is a fair question, but many do not have the answer. In this entry, I will attempt to give all the readers steps that I have used to make my dreams come true. A dream, in order to become reality, has to be something you really desire to have in life or it will remain just a dream. In high school I didn’t know who I was, and I had no passion to attend school. I didn’t want much for myself but now I want to achieve a lot, and that I can achieve anything and everything I want. To make dreams a reality you need to do the following: Decide what it is you really want to do. This sounds so simple, but when you are making this decision you must determine if you will do this, even if you don't get paid. If the answer is yes, then you need to pursue this dream as a career choice, because it will never feel like work but you will always give 110%, because it is what you love doing. Find ways to get further training on what you have decided to do. The more you learn the more you will be able to produce in the area of the thing you love doing.--If you are a college student get involved in your school; I’m sure there is a group on campus that focuses on something you are passionate about.-- Write out a personal life plan outlining every step you must take to achieve your dream. 
A personal plan is an excellent way to chart your progress towards your goal, as it helps you to keep focused on your dreams, as well as allowing you to learn the necessary skill-set you will need to further realize your dream. Organize your personal plan into goals, actions, and results. When you do this you will see what it is you said you were going to do to achieve your goal, in a step-by-step format. Next you will list what actions you will have to take step by step under each goal to accomplish the results you desire. Then look at the results you are getting from the steps you took under the action phase. If these actions are moving you closer to your goal then you are on the right path, but if your actions are not helping you to get closer to your goal then you must change that action for another action and monitor the new results. This sounds so simple but without discipline it will not happen. That's why you must love what it is you want to do. It will take great desire to achieve your dream before you will take the necessary actions to make it come true. Dreams and goals are something everyone has but few actually achieve it. So it will take desire, determination, action, and perseverance to realize the desired outcome for your dreams and goals.There you have it; my plan for achieving your dreams and goals. It is possible for anyone to use this method and achieve their desires. The only person who can stop you from realizing your dream or goal is you. You must believe in yourself and you must believe in your dream. Never give up on your dreams or on yourself. Strive to start everything you dream about, and strive to complete everything you start.